Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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