he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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