I need help removing her.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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