i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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