her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
