I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
