you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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