i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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