Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
