The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
