Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
