I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
