If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
