...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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