The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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