I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
