You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
