Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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