At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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