this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
