Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
