OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Damn victory sex feels great
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
