i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
