Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
