so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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