I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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