I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
