what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
