chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
