i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
