There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
