the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
