I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
