Your mouth is God's brothel.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
