So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
