He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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