i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this just has baby written all over it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
