I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
even my farts smell like vagina
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
