My nipple is on Facebook.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
