dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
