i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
