I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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