Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
