Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
