Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
