How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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