We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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