Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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