i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
