pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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