God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
