I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
