Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
