Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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