Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
