i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize