She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
