I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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