just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
