where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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