so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
not ubering you a puppy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
