you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
