My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
