is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
