Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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