I want to stick my p in your. b.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
