I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
