his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
