I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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