im drinking this country out of the recession.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
