i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize