he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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