I think I am morally bankrupt
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
