To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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