I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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