JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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