I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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