i barfeds in our rink
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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