i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
