Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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