I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
